I used to work at a store that, for some ridiculous reason, didn’t allow employees to inform customers that we were closing soon. This meant we had to rely on passive-aggressive cleaning or hopeful stares to get people to leave.

One of my managers, however, found a loophole. Instead of outright saying we were closing, he would make announcements over the PA system that sounded… unsettling.

Manager: “Staff, please commence your closing sequence.”

The phrase “closing sequence” made it sound like something ominous was about to happen, and it definitely caught customers’ attention.

Five minutes before closing, he’d up the drama.

Manager: “Staff, initiate the closing cleaning wave. Start from the back and try not to get burned.”

At closing time, he would go all out.

Manager: “Staff, initiate the closing atmospheric decompression. Please remember your masks to avoid suffocation.”

This tactic worked 99% of the time—people would look around, confused, and then hurry out just in case. He kept getting more creative until, finally, corporate approved his request to let us actually announce that the store was, in fact, closing. Victory!

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